Mother’s Day is a time of celebration for many, but for children in care, it can be a difficult reminder of loss, separation, or complex family relationships. In this blog, we look at ways foster carers can offer support and help children navigate the emotions and challenges this day may bring.
(In this blog we have used 'children' to include both children and young people).
1. Cards and gifts
Talk with the child about whether they’d like to make or choose a card or gift for their mum or a significant caregiver(s). Avoid assumptions - relationships, roles and structures can differ within families, so if a child wishes to send a card, help them identify who has been a significant caregiver in their life. This could be a birth mother, a grandparent, or another relative, and they may want to acknowledge more than one person. Understanding how they previously marked Mother’s Day can also provide insight into what feels right for them now.
2. Don’t avoid the topic
Children will likely be aware of Mother’s Day through shops, school activities, social media, and conversations with friends. Gently acknowledging that the day is approaching can help them process any emotions it may bring and provide an opportunity for open discussion and support.
3. Allow opportunities to express emotions
Give children space to express their emotions in the lead-up to Mother’s Day, whether through conversation, play, art, or other activities. Acknowledge feelings of loss, anger, or confusion without being drawn into criticism of birth parents. Emotions may shift quickly as they process their feelings, so reassuring them with words like, “I’m listening, and I understand this is difficult for you,” can help them feel heard. Be mindful of changes in behaviour, as these may signal underlying emotions - seek support from your fostering service if needed.
4. School support
Make sure school are aware of the situation so they can monitor the child’s wellbeing and offer support if needed, and approach any planned Mother’s Day activities in school with sensitivity.
5. Family time arrangements
Ensure that any family time/contact arrangements are planned in advance to help reduce anxiety for the child. If they won’t be seeing their mum or significant caregiver on the day, have a conversation about how they would like to mark the occasion in a way that feels meaningful to them.
6. Making connections
Offer opportunities throughout the year for the child to connect with others who are also living away from their families. This could include activities with your fostering service, looked-after children forums, local authority groups, or support from a hub carer if part of a Mockingbird constellation. Knowing they are not alone in their experiences can help reduce feelings of isolation and support their self-esteem.
7. Relationships within the foster family
Reflect on your own relationships with the foster child(ren) and within your wider family. Consider how all the children in your household will be supported during any celebrations. Would they like to give a card to their foster mum? Do they want to take part in family traditions, or would a more low-key approach be better? Providing options and allowing them to opt out if they wish ensures they feel respected and supported in whatever feels right for them.
8. Concerns for children's physical or emotional wellbeing
Seek urgent support from the child’s social worker or the supervising social worker if you are concerned about a child’s physical or emotional well-being. Be aware of CAMHS and other mental health support available to children in your area.
9. Practicing self-care
Foster carers and kinship foster carers may need to be aware of their own needs at what can be an emotionally charged time. Many foster carers may themselves have experienced loss and it may bring up feelings about their own family relationships. Make time for yourself and seek support if needed via counselling services offered as part of any membership service in place, or via Fosterline's counselling service.
Fosterline recognise the life changing role of foster carers for children separated from their families on Mother's Day, and every other day of the year, and want to wish all foster carers a Happy Mother's Day.
